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11:40am: Something You Never Asked For And Probably Don't Want -- Too Bad Take It And Pretend To Like It
( Cut For Kindness )

11:08pm: All The Lists:
Pretty nice dude:

children of men
brick
primer
the life aquatic with steve zissou
crank
the ten
collateral
shaun of the dead
a scanner darkly
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
king of kong: fistful of quarters
oldboy
little miss sunshine
the big lebowski
the iron giant
six string samurai
no country for old men
pulp fiction
fight club
hot rod

Guy I totally hate forever and almost never agree with at all on anything:

1. there will be blood (paul thomas anderson)
2. punch-drunk love (paul thomas anderson)
3. magnolia (paul thomas anderson)
4. boogie nights (paul thomas anderson)
5. eyes wide shut (stanley kubrick)
6. cache (michael haneke)
7. chungking express (wong kar wai)
8. dogville (lars von trier)
9. synecdoche, new york (charlie kaufman)
10. inland empire (david lynch)
11. mulholland dr. (david lynch)
12. the royal tenenbaums (Weş anderson)
13. dazed and confused (richard linklater)
14. the piano teacher (michael haneke)
15. totally f***ed up (gregg araki)
16. last days (gus van sant)
17. elephant/paranoid park (TIE) (gus van sant)
18. i'm not there (todd haynes)
19. fear and loathing in las vegas (terry gilliam)
20. lost in translation (sofia coppola)


hm: memento (christopher nolan), gomorra (matteo garrone), bad education (pedro almodovar), rachel getting married (jonathan demme), the squid and the whale (noah baumbach), irreversible (gasper noe), crumb (terry zwigoff), mysterious skin (gregg araki), smiley face (gregg araki), se7en (david fincher), fight club (david fincher), eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (michel gondry), audition (takashi miike), in the company of men (neil labute), sick (kirby dick), kill bill (quentin tarantino), the devil's rejects (rob zombie), beau travail (claire denis), the loss of sexual innocence (mike figgis)

Guy who lives in Utah and makes indie movies, has a pretty cool Snoopy avatar:

The Royal Tenenbaums
Deconstructing Harry
All About Lily Chou-Chou
Whisper of the Heart
No Country for Old Men
The Big Lebowski
Millennium Actress
Hana-bi/Fireworks
After Life
Hot Fuzz
God of Cookery
Mind Game
Citizen Dog
Doppelganger
Cure
Dead or Alive 2: Birds
Funky Forest: the First Contact
Men Suddenly in Black
The Truman Show
Chungking Express

Guy I don't like at all, kinda seems like a comm hanger-on who doesn't have real opinions about video games:

Up
Synecdoche
Wall-E
Ice Age
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Hero
Fight Club
Finding Nemo
Kill Bill 1 and 2
I Am Legend
Hot Fuzz

List I posted elsewhere, pretty sure this guy doesn't actually play video games cause he seems to hate having fun:

Satantango
Werckmeister Harmonies
The Three Colors Trilogy
The Double Life of Veronique
La Commune (Paris, 1871)
Beau Travail
You, The Living
Careful
The Saddest Music In The World
Dead Man
Ghost Dog
Jackie Brown
Bad Lieutenant
There Will Be Blood
Inland Empire
Synecdoche, New York
A Brighter Summer Day
The Puppetmaster
Sonatine
The Eel

Guy who is young and friends with someone I really dislike, don't know much about him:

Dead Man
Oldboy
There Will Be Blood
The Happiness of the Katakuris
American Psycho
Hot Fuzz
The Fifth Element
The Big Lebowski
Jackie Brown
The Life Aquatic With Bill Murray

Another young dude who I thought had pretty good taste in movies until I saw his list:

Dead Man
Oldboy
There Will Be Blood
Bird People of China
American Psycho
Shaun of the Dead
The Fifth Element
The Big Lebowski
Jackie Brown
The Life Aquatic With Bill Murray
Starship Troopers

(it's the same as the other dude's cause he was all, oh your list is awesome make that my list also but replace Katakuris and Hot Fuzz and add Starship Troopers)

Some guy I don't even know:

groundhog day
rushmore
big fish
almost famous
fargo
up
o' horten
hellboy 2
city of god
crank
spirited away
royal tenenbaums
the life aquatic
lars and the real girl
happy, texas
ed wood
demolition man
pan's labyrinth
office space
young@heart

Some dude who is pretty nice, might have my favorite list although it is so hard to say:

satantango
mulholland dr.
as i was moving ahead ocassionally i saw brief glimpses of beauty
dazed and confused
pulp fiction
rushmore
funny ha ha
the piano teacher
sonatine
institute benjamenta
velvet goldmine
safe
memories of murder
la vie nouvelle (i saw this a few years ago, i don't know if i'd chose it after rewatching)
my winnipeg
there will be blood

This guy is pretty funny but I otherwise don't know anything about him:

2046
Before Sunset(I really enjoy Linkater's Before films more than Dazed and Confused, which I also enjoy but for less substantial reasons.)
Brick
Byoukosu 5 Centimeters
Dead Man
Ghost Dog
Gozu
I'm Not There
Jackie Brown
JCVD
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Memories of Murder
Millennium Actress
Oldboy
Primer
Spirited Away
Synecdoche, New York
The Thin Red Line(prefer his earlier two films more)
Twilight Samurai

Another guy I think is kinda cool, actually his list might be my favorite aka least disliked except for stuff like Happiness of the Katakuris and American Movie:

oldboy
let the right one in
porco rosso
the new world
rushmore
mind game
yi yi
after life/wonderful life
spirited away
wall-e
werckmeister harmonies
mulholland drive
american movie
fargo
funky forest: the first contact
songs from the second floor
pulp fiction
the double life of veronique (technically 1991 but)
happiness of the katakuris
in the mood for love

Guy who is super nice and cool to me but I think if it weren't for that I would probably hate him and want him to die a little:

1.There Will Be Blood
2.The Devil and Daniel Johnston
3.Kill Bill (As a Whole)
4.There Will Be Blood Oops! Don't feel like fixing the numbering.
5.American Beauty
6a.Pulp Fiction
6b.Gummo
7a. High School Record
7b.Brick
8.The Virgin Suicides
9.No Country for Old Men
10.Catch Me If You Can
11.Oh Brother Where Art Thou
12.The Royal Tannenbaums
13.The Edge
14.Fight Club (A satisfying ride, despite my criticisms of its presentation.)
15.American Astronaut
16.Hedwig and the Angry Inch
17.Shaun of the Dead
18.Groundhog Day
19.Lake of Fire


Honorable Mentions:

>The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford: Great tone, some awesome shots, but ultimately a little too staid and a little too film school.
>Rushmore: Probably better than Tannenbaums, whatever.
>Reservoir Dogs: Felt like I had to stop listing Tarantino movies, but this should probably be up there.
>Almost Famous: Incredibly charming, but--I dunno--it's sort of "fake good" in some ways, y'know? Not quite up to par with some of the other movies on the list, even though it really resonates.
>A Walk to Beautiful: Just bumped it off the end to fit Gummo in there.

Another dude with a cool avatar and a funny user name:

Rushmore
The Darjeeling Ltd
Synechdoche, NY
Mulholland Dr.
Waltz With Bashir
Children of Men
City of God
There Will Be Blood
Spiderman 2
The Good Shepherd
The Lives of Others
The Baader Meinhof Complex
Downfall
Superbad
Pineapple Express
Y Tu Mama Tambien
Fresh
TimeCrimes
Donnie Darko (theatrical cut)
The Believe

8:02am: AN OPEN LETTER FROM A WATCHMEN SCREENWRITER
So it has been five months since I saw my first rough cut of WATCHMEN, and eight days since the premiere of the film I've been working on since late in the year 2000.

The reviews are out -- Some outstanding, others rankly dismissive, which can be frustrating for the people involved, (though I can only speak for myself,) because I firmly believe that WATCHMEN, the novel, must be read through more than once to even have the faintest grip on it. And I believe the film is the same.

I've seen it twice now, and despite having run the movie in my head thousands of times, my two viewings still don’t' allow me to view the film with the proper distance or objectivity. Is it Apocalypse Now? Is it Blade Runner? Is it Kubrick, or Starship Troopers? I don’t know yet.

All I know is that I had a pretty amazing experience the two times I've seen it. And both viewings produced remarkably different experiences. The point is, I have listened for years, to complaints from true comic book fans, that "not enough movies take the source material seriously." "Too many movies puss out," or "They change great stories, just to be commercial." Well, I f***ing dare you to say any one of those things about this movie.

This is a movie made by fans, for fans. Hundreds of people put in years of their lives to make this movie happen, and every one of them was insanely committed to retaining the integrity of this amazing, epic tale. This is a rare success story, bordering on the impossible, and every studio in town is watching to see if it will work. Hell, most of them own a piece of the movie.

So look, this is a note to the fanboys and fangirls. The true believers. Dedicated for life.

If the film made you think. Or argue with your friends. If it inspired a debate about the nature of man, or vigilante justice, or the horror of Nixon abolishing term limits. If you laughed at Bowie hanging with Adrian at Studio 54, or the Silhouette kissing that nurse.

Please go see the movie again next weekend.

You have to understand, everyone is watching to see how the film will do in its second week. If you care about movies that have a brain, or balls, (and this film's got both, literally), or true adaptations -- And if you're thinking of seeing it again anyway, please go back this weekend, Friday or Saturday night. Demonstrate the power of the fans, because it'll help let the people who pay for these movies know what we'd like to see. Because if it drops off the radar after the first weekend, they will never allow a film like this to be made again.

In the interests of full disclosure, let me also point out that I do not profi t one cent from an increase in box office, although an increase in box office can add to the value of the writers' eventual residual profits from dvd and tv sales.

But I'm not saying it for money. I'm saying it for people like me. I'm saying it for people who love smart, dark entertainment, on a grand, operatic scale. I'm talking to the Snake fans, the Rorschach fans, the people of the Dark Knight.

And hey, if you hated the film, if you think we committed atrocities, or literary mistakes of a massive, cephalopodic nature. If the movie made you a little sick to your stomach, or made you feel bad about your life. If you hated it for whatever reason, that's cool too. I'm not suggesting you risk gastro-intestinal distress just for the sake of risky filmmaking.

But if you haven't seen it yet? Well, I'll just say this...

It may upset you. And it probably will upset you.

And all along, we really meant it to.

Because face it. All this time...You there, with the Smiley-face pin. Admit it.

All this time, you’ve been waiting for a director who was going to hit you in the face with this story. To just crack you in the jaw, and then bend you over the pool table with this story. With its utterly raw view of the darkest sides of human nature, expressed through its masks of action and beauty and twisted good intentions. Like a fry-basket full of hot grease in the face. Like the Comedian on the=2 0Grassy Knoll. I know, I know...

You say you don't like it. You say you've got issues. I get it.

And yet... You'll be thinking about this film, down the road. It'll nag at you. How it was rough and beautiful. How it went where it wanted to go, and you just hung on. How it was thoughtful and hateful and bleak and hilarious. And for Jackie Earle Haley.

Trust me. You'll come back, eventually. Just like Sally.

Might as well make it count for something.

David Hayter

8:27am: From Your Brain to America: How to Write a Successful TV Drama
There are three vital facets you'll need to master in order to write a successful TV drama; they are: gimmick, plot and characters. With the aid of this guide you'll quickly develop each of these skills and be on your way to catapulting your little idea into the hearts and minds of an entire nation.

The most important part of any hour-long TV show is its gimmick. Every great drama has one. The best way to think of one is to think of the world you live in and then imagine “What if?” For example, “What if a plane full of people crash-landed on an island and what if that island was magic?” This is no doubt the exact process by which JJ Abrams conceived the hit television series, Lost.

Once you have your gimmick you'll need to think of a plot to flesh your idea into something that can continue for season after season. After all, there's no reason to write yourself into a corner with an idea that can't be sustained when you could be cashing in on this idea for the next ten or more years! The news is a great place to start when looking for plot ideas. America is a big and dangerous place right now, and the people in it are terrified. Now it's up to you to take these scary and confusing stories and boil them down into forty-two minute narratives that make them simple and easy to understand. It's practically your civic responsibility!

Another thing to consider when writing the plot is this: America loves conspiracies. An overarching mystery of subterfuge and corruption can be the difference between dollar signs and a life of prestige and working for a dry cleaner's the rest of your life, wondering how it went so wrong. The higher up it goes, the better. If your conspiracy involves the government, make the person behind it the president, or one of his chief advisors; if it's the police department, make it the chief of police; and if it's a large corporation, do your best to get the CEO involved. The public will be eating out of your hand and begging for more. Just remember one thing: you are much smarter than your audience. When it comes time for the big reveals and explanations, make sure to make it as simple as possible. If you can, repeat the information more than once. And if you earlier made some sly allusion to what might happen, make sure to flashback to this scene. Chances are good your audience has already forgotten.

I bet you think you've read enough about plot, don't you? Well there's just one last thing, and it ties into your audience's tendency to forget things. As much as the public loves a good mystery they're still gonna have trouble following all the details. After all, it's been a whole week since they saw the last episode. Remind them. And whenever possible try to balance the big mystery with lots of little self-contained episodes that have nothing to do with it. Self-containment is your best friend. It simultaneously pads out your season and provides a convenient entry-point for newcomers to watch and enjoy the show, so they don't feel stupid for not knowing what's going on.

Now that you have your plot you'll have to think of the kind of people that can exist inside it. Characters are important to any show, because they provide vital human interest stories. A great way to introduce human interest is the love triangle. Take three characters, two male and one female, and throw them into situations together. If good-looking males and females spend enough time together they're bound to fall in love. Everyone knows this. Before you can snap your fingers the tension will be as thick as your bank account balance. Which one will she choose? Will she regret her choice? These stories feed directly into strong American ideals like competition and fighting to get the one you love. But remember: happy couples are boring couples. Once she's made her choice and two of them get together, give them problems. Every episode think of some new difficulty their relationship has to overcome. The public loves drama. Finally, under the weight of these insurmountable difficulties, break them up. This is great because now both characters are free to pursue other love interests, starting the romantic and dramatic tension all over again, which is the most exciting part for audiences to watch.

The last thing to know about characters is this: like people, they aren't perfect. They have flaws. Things like: works too hard, is stubborn, angers easily, cares too much are perfect because they're easy to accept and can, potentially, generate more drama. But make sure when you're creating these flaws that they aren't too flawed. After all, these are the good guys.

Now that you know everything there is to know about characters, love triangles, human interest, conspiracies and gimmicks you're ready to sit down and start achieving your goal of riches and perfect television entertainment. Good luck.

10:47pm: Mr. Grey in Living in Sin, Day One: Drive
A brief rundown of things to expect when driving from Portland OR to Las Vegas NV in a span of less than 48 hours.

Part One.

The street you intend to take your long rental truck + car carrier carrying precious car will be closed. There will be police everywhere. You will not have time to stop and look at what might be some kind of awesome police showdown involving guns and hostages and demands. Instead you will be annoyed and inconvenienced and have to almost hit several people's parked cars navigating narrow side streets.

The first CD you put in the truck's CD player will be swallowed. It will refuse to play or come out.

You may appreciate how scenic Oregon can be now that you're leaving it.

Going through an odd section of Eastern Oregon you may encounter an excess of available radio stations, considering you are nowhere near anything resembling civilization. One of these stations may or may not play nothing but Black Sabbath.

Getting to Idaho will take longer than you expected.

Once you get there, you will wish it had taken even longer.

Boise will look like 180 thousand people the world would be surprised to find exist.

You will discover Idaho is on Mountain time, even though Nevada directly south of it is on Pacific.

While stopping to relieve yourself and trade places with your drive partner, your wallet will fall out of your pocket. You won't notice. One mile later you will. Freaking out will occur. Swearing, too, regardless of your current stance on profanity.

You will drive several miles to the nearest exit. Then several miles back. Then another few miles to the place where your wallet could likely possibly be.

It'll be dark. You'll try to use the truck's headlights as a flashlight. You will eventually find the wallet, strewn at an odd angle that indicates you probably ran it over with your own car, stupid. Your ID will have fallen out. You will never find it.

Finding a place to sleep in Twin Falls will be harder than you'd think. One place will be booked. Another will have only their two most expensive rooms available. Finally, you'll settle on the third place and their only room, the so-called jacuzzi room. Sadly, this jacuzzi will not be shaped like a big heart.

You'll fall asleep at 3am, hoping tomorrow will be a shorter, easier, less stressful leg of the journey. You'll be wrong.

6:10am: 2006 Movie Moments
As many expected, given my inability to finish anything ever -- I did not succeed in my 100 movies in one calendar year goal. Burning out as I entered the home stretch, I just could not force myself to go see Rocky Balboa on the last day of the year. But here are 99 moments from the 99 movies I saw, in more or less order of moment preference. For actual movie preference(as well as chronological order), go here:

http://bad-juice.livejournal.com/34504.html

(Movies are from 2006 unless otherwise specified)

99. Finally, the end credits begin to roll in Night Watch [Timur Bekmambetov, 2004/2006]
98. Ethan Suplee's grandpa complains that Suplee's student movie doesn't have enough killing in Art School Confidential [Terry Zwigoff]
97. The director's name is fucking Stefan Fangmeier in Eragon [Stefan Fangmeier]
96. Patrick Wilson and Ellen Page talk in a coffee shop in Hard Candy [David Slade]
95. An awful lot of flies buzz around Ray Winstone's face in The Proposition [John Hillcoat]
94. Matt Damon plays a gay sociopath again in The Departed [Martin Scorsese]
93. Singer's erection for the Man of Steel is apparent in nearly every frame of Superman Returns [Bryan Singer]
92. The ticket taker asks "How was it?" and I can merely shrug my weary shoulders after Turistas [John Stockwell]
91. Deborah Van Valkenburgh more or less begs Michael Beck to fuck her in The Warriors [Walter Hill, 1979]
90. Wait a second, who is Clive Owen even talking to in Inside Man? [Spike Lee]
89. The men sing and dance in Mountain Patrol [Chuan Lu, 2004/2006]
88. Animated flying in The World [Zhang Ke Jia, 2004]
87. Paul Bettany naked and self-flagellating in the The Da Vinci Code [Ron Howard]
86. A field of blue flowers in A Scanner Darkly [Richard Linklater]
85. Nathan Lopez dresses up for his amateur Miss Universe contest in The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros [Auraeus Solito]
84. Jack Black floats down a pink river in Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny [Liam Lynch]
83. PJ DeBoy hums the national anthem into Jay Brannan's ass in Shortbus [John Cameron Mitchell]
82. A few of the Kids in the Hall play musical chairs in Unaccompanied Minors [Paul Feig]
81. "This part of my life is called: Running" -- The Pursuit of Happyness [Gabriele Muccino]
80. A white girl riding the bus is very clearly frightened by a group of black men banging on the outside window in Crossover [Preston A. Whitmore II]
79. A mother tries to get her 5-year-old daughter to say screw the Dixie Chicks in Shut Up & Sing [Barbara Kopple & Cynthia Peck]
78. Jim Jones sermonizes in sunglasses in Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple [Stanley Nelson]
77. Falling in slow motion is used to comedic effect twice in The Great Yokai War [Takashi Miike]
76. James Franco fires a gun in each hand while also falling in slow-motion in The Holiday [Nancy Myers]
75. James Marsden dies very early in X-Men 3: The Last Stand [Brett Ratner]
74. Eric Schopmeyer calls his girlfriend a bigot in Yellow [Nick Peterson]
73. Roller skating to Slim Thug in ATL [Chris Robinson]
72. "Hell no, I ain't sure. But I think so." -- The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada [Tommy Lee Jones, 2005]
71. Daniel Auteuil puts himself to bed in Cache [Michael Haneke, 2005]
70. Hugh Jackman guzzles the Tree of Life's semen-like sap in The Fountain [Darren Aronofsky]
69. Meeting with high school counselor goes awry in The Grudge 2 [Takashi Shimizu]
68. Soft, idyllic light shines through every window of every flashback in World Trade Center [Oliver Stone]
67. In reply to a polite comment about the potency of his marijuana, Mark Boone Jr. says "Yeah -- I put some meth in it" in Lonesome Jim [Steve Buscemi]
66. Shareeka Epps sells crack to Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson [Ryan Fleck]
65. Rick James in Little Miss Sunshine [Jonathan Dayton & Valerie Faris]
64. Cyril Raffielli crushes a man's skull with his knee in District B13 [Pierre Morel, 2004/2006]
63. Mark Duplass talks to his dad about relationships in The Puffy Chair [Jay Duplass]
62. Oliver O'Grady discusses, rather flippantly if you aks me, his attraction to small children in Deliver Us From Evil [Amy Berg]
61. Seung-Min Lee tries to assure Justin Rice that it's not like she wanted to date him or anything in Mutual Appreciation [Andrew Bujalski]
60. Chalo Gonzalez momentarily forgets his dead brother's name in Quinceanera [Richard Glatzer & Wash Westmoreland]
59. Rosario Flores fights a bull in Talk to Her [Pedro Almodovar, 2002]
58. Jason Statham bends Amy Smart over a newspaper machine, pumps his fists in the air -- while pumping his hips into Smart -- triumphant, "I'M ALIVE!" as an onlooking crowd cheers in Crank [Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor]
57. Antonio Banderas fails to rape Eva Cobo in Matador [Pedro Almodovar, 1986]
56. Aaron Eckhart explains that of course Big Tobacco doesn't want their customers to die, because then how would they buy more cigarettes in Thank You for Smoking [Kevin Reitman]
55. A crowd of students shout the movie's title over and over in We Are Marshall [McG]
54. Forest Whitaker and James McAvoy trade shirts in The Last King of Scotland [Kevin MacDonald]
53. Nail gun through the face in Final Destination 3 [James Wong]
52. Aaron Stanford becomes the Unlikely Hero in Hills Have Eyes [Alexandre Aja]
51. Jet Li demolishes an entire bar, then walks across the street to start drinking in another in Fearless [Ronny Yu]
50. Phillip Seymour Hoffman kills Michelle Monaghan in Mission: Impossible 3 [J.J. Abrams]
49. In a dispute over who could possibly be at the door, the Meat Man yells, "Well it's sure as hell not for me, I don't even live here!" in Strangers with Candy [Paul Dinello]
48. They emerge, one after another, blood splattered on their raincoats in Sympathy for Lady Vengeance [Chan-wook Park]
47. A disgusted James Cromwell throws his cell phone to his aide in The Queen [Stephen Frears]
46. Hugh Grant and Dennis Quaid share an awkward silence in front of America in American Dreamz [Paul Weitz]
45. Claudette Colbert transforms Miriam Hopkins in The Smiling Lieutenant [Ernst Lubitsch, 1931]
44. Natalie Portman has a shaved head in V for Vendetta [James McTeigue]
43. Gratuitous Penelope Cruz cleavage in Volver [Pedro Almodovar]
42. I would totally bone the hell out of Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls [Bill Condon]
41. Macy Gray drunkenly croons in Idlewild [Bryan Barber]
40. Vince Vaughn & Jennifer Aniston quarrel quite undomestically in The Break-Up [Peyton Reed]
39. Kate Winslet encourages her daughter to "just go in the pool" in Little Children [Todd Field]
38. Jodelle Ferland dances whimsically as blood rains down on her in Silent Hill [Christophe Gans]
37. Emily Mortimer works hard to generate the movie's only tangible romantic chemistry in Match Point [Woody Allen, 2005]
36. Terry Pheto breast feeds a child, more or less at gun point, in Tsotsi [Gavin Hood]
35. Tyrese Gibson beats a man, shouting "Never lay your hands on a woman" exactly one scene after shoving his gun in Meagan Good's face in Waist Deep [Vondie Curtis Hall]
34. Kirsten Dunst swipes a finger of cake frosting, while having her feet massaged in Marie Antoinette [Sofia Coppola]
33. Will Ferrell eats a chocolate-chip cookie in Stranger Than Fiction [Marc Forster]
32. Cross-campus foot race in Brick [Rian Johnson]
31. Perhaps the longest chase in movie history occurs in Casino Royale [Martin Campbell]
30. Colin Farrell and Gong Li dance in Miami Vice [Michael Mann]
29. A yellow traffic light blinks forlornly in the middle of the night in Cars [John Lasseter & Joe Ranft]
28. Sacha Cohen talks about his brother with the funny retardation in Borat [Larry Charles]
27. "Fuckin' snake! Get off my dick!!" -- Snakes on a Plane [David R. Ellis]
26. Wheelchair basketball in Live Flesh [Pedro Almodovar, 1997]
25. Terrorists are a bit nervous right before game time in United 93 [Paul Greengrass]
24. Charlotte Gainsbourg dances with another man in The Science of Sleep [Michel Gondry]
23. Steve-O puts a leech on his eyeball in Jackass: Number Two [Jeff Tremaine]
22. Dave Chapelle tries on suits in Dave Chapelle's Block Party [Michel Gondry]
21. Giant portions of the earth sink under water in An Inconvenient Truth [Davis Guggenheim]
20. Derek Richardson tries to drag himself across the floor in Hostel [Eli Roth]
19. "Pa-pah-rum-pum-pum-puhm-pum-pum-pa!" -- One Hour with You [Ernst Lubitsch, 1929]
18. As the scatology jokes pile on, imiprothrin cracks, "What is this, Mayan Pie?" in Apocalypto [Mel Gibson]
17. Cecilia Cheung is imprisoned in a giant bird cage in The Promise [Kaige Chen]
16. Channing Tatum walks down possibly the most cultured hallway in High School movie history in Step Up [Anne Fletcher]
15. Mark Wahlberg waits to be cut from the team in Invincible [Ericson Core]
14. Eric Bana broods with a gun in his hand in Munich [Steven Spielberg, 2005]
13. Carmen Maura advertises laundry detergent in Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown [Pedro Almodovar, 1988]
12. Michael Rooker is so fucking sleazy trying to seduce Elizabeth Banks I start to think he might drool on her in Slither [James Gunn]
11. Aurora Borealis song and dance in Happy Feet [George Miller]
10. Yuko Murata asks Ryoji Takiguchi to please speak more slowly in Babel [Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu]
09. Dinner with the Linscotts in The Black Dahlia [Brian De Palma]
08. Tony Jaa breaks about a million bones in two minutes in The Protector [Prachya Pinkaew]
07. Colin Farrell works his lusty Irishman mojo on 15-year-old Q'Orianka Kilcher in The New World [Terrence Malick, 2005]
06. A knock at the door stops a domestic quarrel and Maurice Chevalier turns to the audience in surprise, "Her Huzzbahnd!" in The Love Parade [Ernst Lubitsch, 1929]
05. Some big, football player-looking dude in the audience starts sobbing uncontrollably at the end of The Family Stone [Thomas Bezucha, 2005]
04. The title card, "The Roughriders win their first game by 62 points" appears in The Heart of the Game [Ward Serrill]
03. One woman just isn't enough for Jim Kelly in Enter the Dragon [Robert Clouse, 1973]
02. Red flares turn the cave into a vision of Hell in The Descent [Neil Marshall]
01. A trip to California is discussed VERY quickly in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls [Russ Meyer, 1970]

3:31pm: I step outside and the heat pushes past my lips and through my nostrils, parching all traces of moisture on their way to my throat. Little sun-borne hands snake down my windpipe, greedily clutching every last feather of cool, air-conditioned oxygen from my lungs.

Bust out your parasols and lemon iced beverages, bitches.

Summer has arrived in Portland, Oregon.

1:55pm: I haven't updated in one million two hundred and fifty thousand eight hundred and nine days
Know why? Cause nobody reads this shit anyway.

I don't even know who you are. I don't even know who I am.

I should make all my entries private. Fuck all you haters with no dicks.

7:07am: Breakfast
Ice cream for breakfast is one of life's truest pleasures.

Especially when there's no other food in the house, so it's only breakfast by default.

I'm terrible at handling emotional situations. A person(a girl, say) is upset about something. I mean, really upset. Then she starts crying. I don't know what to do. Tears stream down her face and I should say something comforting. But what? I'm an alien with an uncomprehending heart and a lead tongue when it comes to these things. So instead I hold her tight and say nothing. When she looks in my eyes I'm sure she sees the helpless look of a deer in headlights. I'm the worst comforting presence ever.

This might seem like strange material to write while I'm eating breakfast, but I forgot to mention it last night.

I spilled ice cream on the key and then I ate it. Keyboards supposedly have even more bacteria than phones. Or almost as much.

Why doesn't licking your finger keep it from being sticky anymore?

7:45am: My Number Two Post
Yesterday in the mall I saw an adorable Japanese businessman eating an ice cream cone. He was wearing little spectacles and a nicely tailored suit.

More people should eat ice cream in a cone.
Except for me.
It always runs down the side and gets my fingers sticky.

9:42pm: You Are My Number One Post
I need to buy a very small notebook. And carry it with me always.
I forget things I want to remember.
And want to write things I don't.

Like this:
I was riding the bus and suddenly the distinctly unpleasant smell of urine caught my nose. The cooled polyester lining of my coat began to give my backside the impression of wetness. I checked the seat four or five times, but for whatever reason I couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling that I was sitting in someone's piss.
Somehow, it didn't quite disturb me enough to move.

I don't have any friends yet. I should fix that.